remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
being pregnant is like rehab
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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