I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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