The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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