I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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