Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
