So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
