What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
