Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
