Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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