You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
