remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
