I hope mine doesn't look like that
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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