why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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