I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
