Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
