I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
