The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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