chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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