I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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