her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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