Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just gargled with NyQuil
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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