My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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