I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
