I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
