I look better un-naked...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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