He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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