Don't make out with my wife yet
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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