I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
