So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
