Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
