just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm determined to sit on that face.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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