I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
