When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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