so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
