hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
