i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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