as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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