I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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