you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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