haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
