you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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