his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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