I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
