you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
