We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
