Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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