I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
