I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
