I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you didnt know i had herpes?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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