508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
