I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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