you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
