I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
