Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
