oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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