Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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