Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
