just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
