dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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