I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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