What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
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Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
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Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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