I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
