All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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