New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
