I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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