fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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